[Poem] Until

I didn't know darkness til the day sky gloom
I didn't know color til flowers start to bloom
I didn't know motion til the ball stopped rolling
I didn't know time til clock stopped ticking

I didn't know joy til I see a child's eyes
I didn't know child's play til I biked on rainy days
I didn't know danger til I poked on a bee hive
I didn't know friendship til one afternoon in '85

I didn't know joy til the baby on her own stands
I didn't know pain til a folded flag on widow's hands
I didn't know about sacrifice til the first cry of a new born
I didn't know about grief til a mother lost her unborn

I didn't know how long the travel was til the view of the vast of the ocean
I didn't know how far was the distance til speck of dunes in Africa
I didn't know about slavery til man's liberation
I didn't know about a mock-up til I checked out for a replica

I didn't know the taste of freedom til one's parole
I didn't know there's missing til one is whole
I didn't know how to start over til it ended
I didn't know about the real deal til got defrauded

I didn't know blessings til pockets were empty
I didn't know life's simplicity til its complexity
I didn't know how far was chasm til death in eternity
I didn't know true love til that Man hang on the tree

Truth be told we are full when we are empty
We're complete when we have none exactly
We're clothed when we lay bare too
'Cause a lot of things we think we know until we do


-mmp 13Jan2015 11:13pm

[Blog] Waiting NOT in vain

When you're a 33-year old woman, single and working your ass out, people will ask you if you ever have a plan of getting married or worse, if you're gay. Either way, I wouldn't want to answer any of them. But truly, I'm not worried because God has His plan for me.

Yesterday morning, I was watching a Filipino flick and was totally glued to the tube. However shallow the plot was, I couldn't care coz I was enjoying it. Hey, don't laugh at me but there was a realization I got from it. It was a story of a 30-year old woman who was in dire search for someone to marry after a surprise break-up in front of their house with her boyfriend-catching-his-time-before-going-to-work and after seeing all of her friends getting married. In the movie, she has met some bad guys but of course it ended with a happy ever after. In it, there weren't good display of what a woman should be like to the extent that it looked cheapo. Along the way I asked myself, am I feeling like that? Do I act like that?


Many times in my 33 years that I tried creating that perfect blueprint of my love life. I fell in and out of love several times. Broke theirs and my heart. Engaged and disengaged. And now, I'm still single.

Yes, I am single and am not seeing someone. I have this virtual check list that has everything that I am looking for in a man and a relationship. Did I ever worry? Yes, I did but look at Matthew 6:27 "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Yeah, why should I worry when God knows His plans for me - to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)


Yesterday afternoon, in between my favorite chore, I checked on a magazine show where a celeb was being interviewed after a hurtful break up with her short lived marriage. She had put herself to the limelight while her marital demise on spotlight. I sympathize with her and totally agree that women should stand tall after a terrible fall. This woman had been in search for a happy ending but unlike the woman in the movie, hers was not a happy ending. Was I ever in the zone of desperation that I will get in a relationship with just anyone? Did I ever compromise my standard and values just to update my Facebook status?

If you know and believe that He and His plans are trustworthy, you will never end up with such tragedy. I do not make fun of anyone's bad situation but the bottom line - you can never rush love and you should never go ahead of God's plans. He is always on time - never late, never ahead of us. The problem is that we love what He has in His hands for us but we do not trust His calendar. Learn to wait patiently til His proper time comes. Waiting should never slow us down; it should never preempt what we're supposed to do, instead, we must actively wait. We do what we are supposed to do, bloom where you are planted and excel in everything that's on hand. Doing so, there will never come a day that you say you regret that you waited. Waiting on the Lord is never in vain when your trust is on Him...and those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. (Isaiah 40:31)

That's a promise.

[Poem] Ode to my Lover III

My face is slump
My body is weak
My mind worries
My heart is weary.
I mumble at every word
I stumble at every step
I juggle through the day
I struggle every minute.
My day is yet completed
And at times I feel defeated
For I am not connected
To the One had me created.
O God listen to me
Hear every word I speak to Thee
Search my heart, O Lord
And see why desire is there no more.
Lord, I wanna find You
I wanna see Your face once more
I wanna walk with You my dear
I wanna make melodies with You once again.
I want Your smile warm just as a sunny day
I want Your voice just as a song so sweet
I want a love just like Your love
I want everything, just all of You.
Meet me Lord, meet me
Encounter me as I want of Thee
My heart and flesh cry out to You
And be the Lover that my soul longs.

Allow me to stay in Your warm embrace
Get drowned in Your mercy
Swim in the sea of Your grace
And just get lost in Your unending love.

-mmp 01march2013 7:30am

[Poem] Love in six measures

I

My soul's dried up
Like a flower in the desert
My soul thirsts for Your presence
That only You can quench.
Let me drink in the cup of Your goodness
Get me drowned in the sea of Your greatness
End my dry season O God
And let Your love rain over me.

II

A life I lived in lack
Is a life of lack in You
Where art thou O God
I long to dwell in Thy presence.
I now stand before You, Lord
I stand in awe of You
For the distance has weakened my core
So I run towards the fortress of my soul.

III

My eyes lathered in world's wickedness
As I long for a perfect kinda thing
Yet I found nothing but emptiness
And walk away with the feel of brokenness.
Show me Your glory my God
Shine Your face towards me
I long for Your presence O God
For my whole being is crying out for You.

IV

I run far and so fast
Away from the light of my God
I hasten til the end of it all
Thinking I really can be far from my Lord.
Wherever I am, You're there
Wherever I want to be, You'll be there
For You are everywhere I go
There's no escaping Your stretch from east to west.

V

I'm sold on life's mediocrity
I resigned to the plans of greatness
I resort to take my own route
And steer to a life I take on my own.
But Your plans are better than mine
So grand, so huge, so greatly divine
Why should I bother to question Thee
When my future is sure and O so Thine?

VI

My security is in You
I am bound to greatness of Your view
My tomorrow is set in Your eyes
So I long to look straight to Your eyes.
You're divine, I couldn't stand it
I don't deserve to have a sight of Your face
Your word's enough for me to believe and hold on to You
Only by faith and not by sight.

-mmp 2march2013 11:10am

[Poem] A song for my Lover

You are like the air that I breathe
You are like the rain to a tree
You are like the current in the sea
You are like the sun after the rain
you are like the rainbow after a storm
You are like the water that quenches my dried up soul
You are like the wind that blows through my woes and sorrows
You are like the song that my feet wants to dance with
For YOU are everything that is good to me.
For YOU are everything that my whole being cries out for more.
For YOU are the one I long for more.
YOU are everything that I am.
YOU are my One and everything.

- mmp 26february2013 4:26pm

[Poem] Ode to my Lover II

While I was a asleep
I felt You watching and staring at me
Then I feel Your warm kiss on my cheek
That sends tingle to my spine.
I awoke and heard You said hello
I got up and You embraced me so tightly
As the cool breeze welcomes me
To another great and brand new day.
I went down the stairs
And I saw You prepared me Your best.
We sat down and shared your feast
And we talked just about anything.
The day went as it should
Right now, You're walking me down the road
You're walking by it to protect me
And to assure of my safety the whole time.
Throughout the day, You send me messages
And I'm at my most joyful to receive them.
Your sweet, kind and thoughtful words
Made my day complete.
There's nothing else in this world
I would want to spend my day with
But with the Only Lover of my soul
You are my best.
You are nothing like the rest.
You are nothing compared to any.
You are the kind of love I ever want.
You are everything my soul longs.
You are the water that quenches my thirst.
You are all that completes everything in me.
You are the Lover of my soul.
You are the Love of my life.
You are the air that I breathe.
The music to my ears
and I am Yours forever.
I love You, Jesus!

-mmp 17february2013 3:50pm

[Poem] Ode to my Lover I

I feel his look, his gaze at me
Like a dagger that pierces through my core.
I have to guard my heart from its wickedness
And won't let anyone sweep me away with his suave.
I fell and fainted
For I failed to guard myself with Shield.
I melt like iceberg
And flowed like nowhere to go.
I looked up, cried to the heavens
And His arms stretched out for me
'You are Mine', He said, 'and I am yours'
Such assurance that no one can top.
His suave may sweep me off my feet.
His look, his gaze may melt such ice in me.
O Lord I say that with my own strength I cannot
But with You I can stand firm.
Take me away, O Lover of my soul
Away from the pit I am falling down to
Love me like never before
Pursue me as I've never been
Dance with me with my two left feet
Stare at me with lover's eyes
Sing me Your sweetest and take my breath away.
My Love, my Security, my Assurance, my Lover
My One and Only.
I love you, Jesus

- mmp 16february2013 2:00pm

[Poem] Taglay kong ningning

Isang talang maningning
Tanglaw sa gabing madilim
Bawat hakbang sa ami'y gabay
Hanggang dulo ng aming paglalakbay.

Taon man ang bumilang
Sa pagsunod sa talang makinang
Lakas man ay magupo
Walang katumbas pagsilay sa tanging Sugo.

Makasariling hari man ang sumikil
Tigib man ang kanyang pagpigil
Walang sinumang makahahadlang
Pagkilala sa may dala ng walang hanggan.

Dumating na ang takdang panahon
Mga mata'y sa sabsaban ay itinuon
Sugo ng Ama ay narito na
Dumating para sa ating kaligtasan!

Milya man ating layo sa Kanya
Dulot ng ating mga nagawang kasalanan
Pag-ibig Nya pa rin ang tanging dahilan
Na ang Tagapagligtas ay siya nga ay isinilang.

Panginoon O kay buti Mo
Walang katulad ang busilak Mong puso
Wagas man Ikaw ay aming nasaktan
Wala pa ring patid ang Iyong pagmamahal.

O Hesus salamat sa Iyong pagdatal
At kaligtasan Iyo sa ami'y dala-dala
Mabuting balita kay tagal mang inabangan
Kung hatid man ay buhay na walang hanggan.

Bawat araw sambit ay pasasalamat
Dahil buo na ang pusong may lamat
Iniwang pilat ng sugatan kong katauhan
Tila naglaho sa pagdating Mong itinuran.

Mula ngayon hanggang habang buhay
Ikaw lamang ang liwanag kong taglay
Hindi na muli lalamlam aking butuin
Dahil aking buhay bitbit Iyong ningning.

-mmp 24dec2012 11:37pm

[Poem] I can't help it

As the morning greets me hi
I can't help but notice
The sun that shines on me
Like Your smile beaming radiance toward me.
As I bask under Your radiant ball
I can't help but notice
That You've been shining upon me
To get through the roads of darkness.
As I see people walking side by side
I can't help but notice
That You've always been with me
And never left me walking alone.
As I leave and come to work
I can't help but notice
How You established the work of my hands
And make excellent job for me.
As I share table with friends
I can't help but notice
How You have provided for me and my family
And never was a day of empty plate.
As You put my day to a close
I can't help but notice
The deep dark calming sky
Full of stars like shining crystals in the night.
As I rest my tired body against the bed
I can't help but notice
How You have been my peace
To escape this one crazy world.
As You put me to a deep sleep
I can't help but notice
How You sing me beautiful melody
That comforts me as I retire from the day.
My day starts and ends right
Because You cover it with Your presence, O God
No doubt, I know I am a favored child
For I can't help but notice Your love for me.

-mmp 16February2013 1:39am

[Blog] Undisciplined Civilization No More

I don't like seeing people crossing the street and are outside of the pedestrian lane. There are times I think what would they do or say if they get hit by a fast car when in the first place, they're the one to blame? In another case, at the elevator foyer, I see people who would deliberately not fall in line even if they see that all are lined up to the building door. I hate this too and a lot of times, get on my nerve. Pardon me for thinking this way but is this what they call civilization? Can we call them civilized or urbanized? Do they actually know what they are doing?

I remember back in high school, even in my elementary days, when I would see kids falling out of line because they want to. Honestly, it is so stubborn and irritating at the same time. It says in one of the campaigns in the 90s that "Sa mata ng bata, ang maling ginagawa ng matanda ay nagiging tama" so I thought to myself, what do they see? Do their parents show the same behavior that made them like that? I was then reminded of the verse "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace" (1 Corinthians 14:33a). If God is a God of order, how come His people are not?

I turned my page to Adam and Eve when they got a simple yet very clear instruction from God to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when they eat from it they will certainly die. (Genesis 3:17) But Eve was taunted by a crafty serpent and failed to follow this Divine instruction. Yeah right, you may say that traffic rules are created by MMDA but let me tell you that we have to subject ourselves to the governing authorities for there is no authority except that which God has established [yes, even MMDA]. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted (Romans 13:1-2). 

My plea is that you do not construe this message as negative and I don't work for this government agency either. If we acknowledge and accept this simple truth - God is a God of order - then all of us can truly be called civilized and urbanized. Ultimately, this country will be a better place to live in. 

I am not being self-righteous whatsoever. I also have my own share in this problem as well so this will serve as a reminder to me that God is pleased when we acknowledge and respect the rules implemented by the authorities. Let stubbornness drown in obedience for when this is so, doing what is right will always be on top of our priorities. Things done upright, however little, puts a smile on God's face so let this be our daily goal.

Please let us act civilized because we are created that way.

[Blog] Love act

"Love thy neighbor." Sounds cliche right? I'm sure in your lifetime, you have heard this line at lease once but definitely, not never but what is it really to love our neighbor? How do we show that we love them?

When we see someone is in dire need, we stop and help. When we see someone rushing to the elevator with piles of stuff, we stop, hold the door for them and let them in. Sometimes, we go an extra mile and share the load they have on hand. If we see an old lady unsure whether to cross the street or not, we walk towards her and help her cross to the other side. When  a classmate is having a hard time understanding the lesson, we stop and lend a hand, same goes in the workplace. 

These are some of the many examples of showing love for our neighbors. You may not have an audience to applaud you as you do this but we got The One who sees everything (Hebrews 4:13). But are these for real? Don't get me wrong. If this is you, I admire you with such love in your heart but let me tell you that there are simple and little gestures that we can show love to our neighbor. 

When we wake up in the morning, we fix our bed. After taking a bath, we don't leave the bathroom cluttered with our stuff. When we go to the FX terminal or wait for the elevator, fall in line and wait for your turn. Greeting the security guard or the janitress a good morning. After chewing gum, we we don't leave it under the table or chair. When we're drying up our hands, we take one or two papertowels. When we're done with our shift, we clean our station and push the chair back where it was originally placed. Forgiving the person who hurt you the most. Apologizing for the hurt you caused someone. Returning the books you borrowed when done reading it. Sharing what you have even if that's the only thing left with you. No to vote buying. No littering. No smoking in an airconditioned room. 

You may think that I am derailing myself from my thought flow but I am not. Showing that you respect someone is an act of love. Showing that put the other person ahead of you is an act of love. Showing love through these two simple gestures is grand in my own opinion. Please do not confuse showmanship with this for, admit it or not, there are those who love to show off but God knows you and your motives in doing so (Psalm 139). And besides, God loves us so much that He sent His only Son (John 3:16) to pay for our sins, that's real love. When the sinless Son obeyed the Father to become sin and be hung on the cross, that is selfless love. I was then reminded of Jesus' command to love each other as He has loved us (John 15:12). If Jesus loves us for what we are, then we know how to really love our neighbor. 

Putting others first is something that we fail to commit in consistently doing because of our selfish nature but if we know that we are forgiven, accepted and loved unconditionally, our perspective will change. If we only look through the eyes of Jesus then I say that this is possible. After all, Jesus said "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31a) and we ourselves are the first ones to know how to value and love others as much as we value and love ourselves. Hard? Yes, it is true but with God's help, this is possible. We may think that one is like a sand paper to us but do keep in mind that we may also be one to another. Remember that Jesus also had encountered people as such in His time but He chose to love them no matter what. Amazing, yeah but that's how He moves - with love. 

Now, let me ask you this, how do you love?

[Poem] Simula

Maliksing kong binagtas, tinahak
Ang isang madilim na daan
Di alam kung saan pasulong
Mga paang hindi uurong.
Saan nga ba ang ating laban?
Tanong ko sa aming pamunuan
Tila di alam kung saan ito patutungo
Na para bang sunud-sunuran at uto-uto.
Sulong! Kapit-bisig!
Ang siyang sinisigaw ng aming bibig
Patakbong sinugod ang daang makitid
Na parang hindi nag-iisip ng matuwid.
Ano nga ba ang aming adhikain?
Ito ba'y maghahatid sa hapag ng pagkain?
Ano ba ito para sa akin
Na mismong buhay handang kitlin?
Maari bang tayo'y saglit na huminahon
At magmuni-muni sa takbo ng ating panahon?
May saysay ba ang ating sinisigaw
Na ang balik ay isa lamang na alingawngaw?
May katuturan ba ang ating ipinaglalaban
O sa lipuna'y isang malaking sagabal?
May patutunguhan ba ang usad-pagong na sistema
O magiging tila napag-iwanang sambayanan?
Palasyo ba'y sa matuwid ang patungo
O mananatili na lamang na huwad at moro-moro?
Iyan ang aking hamon
Sa kabataan ng ating panahon
Hinay-hinay lang mga katoto
Doon pa rin naman tayo ay patungo.
Huwag magligalig at magmadali
Namnamin ang ganda ng bawat sandali
Kung ang hanap ay tiyak na pagbabago
Bakit hindi mo kaya simulan sa sarili mo?
O Pag-asa kami'y Iyong ngitian
Araw na'y nagsabog ng liwanag sa kalangitan
Hudyat ng panibagong araw nga naman
Na puno ng magagandang aral ng kasalukyan.
Magbago ka, oo para sa iyo ito
Aking kausap kabataang ligaw, nalilito
Huwag kung saan-saan humanap ng pagkatuto
Tanging kay Ama lamang ito mapagtatanto.
Talikdan ang daang iyong tinatahak
Huwag nang hintaying puso mo'y mawarak
Pagkat Kanyang pangako'y tigib at totoo
Bakit pa aasa sa gintong tinanso?
Bangon kabataan, bangon
Huwag hayaang mapag-iwanan ng panahon
Ayan sa harapan mo ang daang matuwid
Bakit di mo kaya simulang tawirin?

-mmp 05october2012 1:30am

[Poem] Iyong Kaluguran

Nakahiga, nakahimlay,
Ang paa sa kama ay nakabayubay,
Tahimik, nag-iisip,
Hindi namalayang araw'y sumisilip.

Nagtatanong sa aking sarili,
Hanggang kailan dito ay mananatili,
Kung saan kay tigib ng kalungkutan,
Parang tila isang madilim na kawalan.

Bakit puso'y naninibugho
Sa kung anumang sa kapatid ay mayroon?
Bakit puso'y may suliranin
Na ito'y makamit at nang maangkin?

Bakit puso'y nagdurugo
Sa kanyang buhay na tila bulang-gugo?
Bakit puso'y naliliyo
Sa imbitasyong may rahiyo?

Saklolo, tulong, saklolo
Wala bang nakaririnig sa aking panaghoy?
Katawan na'y pagal, lalamunan kong tuyo
Sa pakikibaka sa sariling alimpuyo.

Sa aking kaibuturan tila may alingawngaw
Aking narinig, naulinigang kay linaw
Boses Mong akala'y isang hiraya
Tumatawag, nanghihikayat, nag-aanyaya.

Walang alinlangan ako'y sumunod,
Tumalima sa Iyo at nagpahinuhod,
Sa Iyong paanan ako'y umupong paluhod
Handang makinig, buong pusong may lugod.

Mahal kita, Iyong sambit
Mga mata'y nakatitig nang kay lagkit
Tila isang punyal sa aking kaibuturan
Iyong salita nanarak, nanahanan.

Sa aking pakiwari
Wala nang pag-asa sa tulad kong uri
Madilim kong nakaraan
Iyong sabi'y kalimutan.

Anak, ihinto iyong pagpalahaw
Ngayon ay hindi na ang dating ikaw
Magsaya, magdiwang sa iyong bagong buhay
Magandang kinabukasan sa iyo'y naghihintay.

Salamat sa Iyo Banal na Kamahalan
Dahil sa Iyo buhay ko ay may kahulugan
Sa Iyo, pag-asa at pag-ibig aking nasumpungan
Itatanghal, itataas sa mundo ang Iyong Ngalan.


- mmp 27september2012 02:36PM

[Poem] Ikaw lamang, AMA

Bawat pagsilay ng haring araw
Bawat paggising sa bagong umaga
Bawat ihip ng hangin sa aking mukha
Wangis Mo lamang ang nais matanaw.

Bawat tagumpay na aking tinatamasa
Bawat kaligayang aking nadarama
Kahit pa kirot ng isang pusong nasawi
Sa Iyo ko lamang nais ibahagi.

Bawat pangarap na inaasam
Bawat bukas na aking tinatanaw
Bawat katuparan ng aking ipinagdarasal
Ikaw lamang ang gantimpalang aking hinahangad.

Bawat pintig ng pusong sabik
Bawat ngiting hatid ng payapang dibdib
Ikaw lamang aking Ama
Ang tanging aking pupurihin.

- mmp 4sept2012 12:56am

[Poem] Untitled Measure

As day approaches its end
Dark hue covers the sky and blend
I looked up and gazed at it for a while
And savor at His majestic work then smiled. 

I walked passed a big street
Brisked walk and rushed striding feet
Heading home lingers in my head
When drops of rain start falling on my hand. 

O God let the rain stop from falling
While I still am hurrying my walking
Wind blew flipping hair on my face
As I head passed like rat in a race. 

I reached where I stopped and waited
A place where wheels are steady and naked
Under this heavy raining
Vulnerable to its soaking. 

The road was long and winding
Counting gushes one person is making
Heavy sighing heard like in a tube
As we await til we alight from this move. 

Seems like the clouds ain't yet over
From spilling so much rain, so much water
Will it ever stop from pouring
That worries everyone that's going. 

I prepped to go as the man made a turn
I sure am rain won't give me a burn
I prayed to God to hear my plea
To let me walk under the light of glee. 

I opened and slid the door
Hopped out and got my feet on the floor
Clouds still hasn't stopped from raining
So I leaped and headed home running. 

Surely, the night may seemed gloom
For the moon did not show its face from my room
But thank God for this priceless gift
For it made me sleep so quick, so swift. 

I praise the God who made the rain
I praise the God that had everything made
I praise the God who ends the day with night
To start another one under His light.

-mmp 18sept2012 10:00pm

[Poem] Liban sa Iyo

Sa mundong puno ng kahungkagan
Wari kong pag-asa'y kay layong masugpungan
Aking tinanaw ang malayong daan
Tila isang walang hanggang katapusan.


Hinanap kung saan-saan
Kaligayahang aking inaasam
Kahit anuman aki'y susunggaban
Mapunuan lamang aking kakulangan.


Kaliwa't kanan hinanap aking kaligayahan
Bisig ni adan akala'y matibay na sandalan
Inakalang marangyang buhay sa aki'y nakatunghay
Nang ang aking kastilyo'y biglang bumuway.


Gabi't araw walang patid na hinagpis
Yaring pusong nasaktan ng labis
Di ko nawari Siya sa aki'y nakaalalay
Habang buhay ko pala sa aki'y nakasubaybay.


Sa balangkas ng aking buhay
Siya sa aki'y umagapay
Na sa bawat hikbi ng pusong sawi
Kanyang tanging pagmamahal ang siyang pumawi.


Aking napagtanto
Walang katulad ang Iyong puso
Na liban sa Iyo
Wala nang ibang katulad na makakatagpo
Liban sa Iyo
Wala nang ibang masugid na manunuyo
Liban sa Iyo
Pag-ibig ay Ikaw at Iyo.


Tunay ngang ako'y mapalad
Dahil sa Iyong yakap ako'y napadpad
Iyong busilak na puso sa aki'y inihatag
Nang sa Iyo ang kamatayan ay nawalan ng tatag.


O Pag-ibig panahon ay nasa Iyong bisig
Kailanman Ikaw ang aking bukang-bibig
Ikaw lamang ang tanging aking aasahan
Sapagkat Iyong pagmamahal kailanma'y hindi mapaparam.

-mmp 25sept2012 02:00am

[Blog] How He loves us

"I will love you for the rest of our lives."
"I will be your knight in shining armor."
"I will be there for you through thick and thin."
"I will give you the moon and stars."
"I will never hurt you."
"I will be everything that you ask for."
"I wanna grow old with you."

Sounds familiar? I did hear some of it from people who promised everything that they are not. For years, I have been looking for someone who can complete me. Perhaps, I got hooked with Jerry McGuire's line - "you complete me." Sweet and super romantic but is there really someone out there who can complete you? I remember one time, I met a person years ago whom I easily gave my heart away. He's nice and I can say that he has the personality that I was looking for in a guy. I can say at that time, he completes me - PAST TENSE. He took my heart away with his suave moves and sweet words but that was just about it. Just months after, He just started dating my friend. It broke my heart to see that they are together yet denying of it. Come on! But this is in one corner of my head - drowned in the years that had passed.

Years after that, I have been to two more relationships that I should say did not feed my soul well. Instead, I have dwelt more in the darkness - right at the very core of darkness where I felt like a quicksand pulling me down where there is no escape from it. I decided on dating more like them but in my heart I pray for someone who really can fill this emptiness . I looked around and broke my heart again and again and again. Perhaps there really is no one who can satisfy my need of being loved. All I want is to be loved. Then came April 9, 2010 - the day where I was under the knife. Hours later, I opened my eyes and there was my mom talking to my doctor. It was my first time to be contained in one place where I couldn't go anywhere and mingle with people. I can say that I was a prison in that room for days. That night, I realized that there is one being so strong that I can't help but fight with because I knew I was strong. Came morning of April 10, all I had done was surrender my life to Him. There is no point in fighting because He is a lot better than I thought. His joy is my strength. He suddenly became my lover, my friend, my confidant, my dad, my God.

I fought a hard fight and all I can do is surrender. He is greater than everything in this world. His promises are true and timeless. He will be there with me wherever I go. He is the God that I want to have in my life.

[Poem] Ikaw lamang, Ama

Ikaw lamang, Ama


Bawat pagsilay ng haring araw
Bawat paggising sa bagong umaga
Bawat ihip ng hangin sa aking mukha
Wangis Mo lamang ang nais matanaw.

Bawat tagumpay na aking tinatamasa
Bawat kaligayang aking nadarama
Kahit pa kirot ng isang pusong nasawi
Sa Iyo ko lamang nais ibahagi.

Bawat pangarap na inaasam
Bawat bukas na aking tinatanaw
Bawat katuparan ng aking ipinagdarasal
Ikaw lamang ang gantimpalang aking hinahangad.

Bawat pintig ng pusong sabik
Bawat ngiting hatid ng payapang dibdib
Ikaw lamang aking Ama
Ang tanging aking pupurihin.

- mmp 12:56am 4september2012

[Blog] Do you hear what I hear?

Tick.Tock. Tick.Tock. Tick.Tock. Tick.Tock. 

Can you hear what I hear? It's my body clock! Well, that's what they say that is ticking. As Science says that women must be married before 35 (I'm just 3 years shy from this number) so we won't have any problem in conceiving a child. In effect, women get their hormones mixed up so as our mood and our decisions get all cranked up. But does that mean that we must hurry up and get married before we hit that dreading number? Would this mean that we must start looking around to see if there are "qualified" men for us?  In the past, I actively looked for "THE one" but ended as "THAT one". I mingled around and meet guys whom I thought was a husband material but nothing materialized. Honestly, I got tired and even made a very sharp U-turn because I failed in my search. But the question remained the same, should I look around and search for that one person?

Well, as I previously mentioned in my blog, I am a new creation and being a new one gives me a new perspective on life. I feel like even my desire to be in a relationship had also been born again --- a revivification of the desire to have my own family. As I let God do His work in me and through me, part of the things I have let Him have a control with is my personal life. Well, I did not succeed in those years of search so why not in my desire revival that I let His greatness be in move. 

I remember in Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” then came Eve. Never did it say that He created the woman first then she went gaga over looking for a partner suitable for her among the other creatures in Eden. I was not in the same field as they both were but I am sure that each one of the animals have their own partner. If God created Eve first, do you think she would get envious of these creatures and just go crazy for she is alone? 

That's my point! Why would I go crazy and be worried knowing that I am "earthly" alone - no boyfriend, no husband - SINGLE? I am not alone for God said that He will be with me to the very end of age. (Matthew 28:20) Throughout the entire Bible, there were numerous times when God said that He will be with them wherever they go and this is an assurance that they are not alone. Til the very end of age, that promise still resounds true up to this day and He remains faithful to His promise even at this present age.

With such promise and assurance of me walking this life NOT alone but is always with GOD, I shall not feel pressured to find my "soulmate". Then I put my finger on Psalms 37:4 that says: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." While thinking of what does the verse mean, I remember Psalm 27:4 "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." Wow! Now, it makes sense that I should enjoy my time with God while waiting for the anointed day. That one day for that one guy perfectly orchestrated by God.

Seriously, I am joyful to be single. I am happy that I have my time with God before the big day comes. My said happiness then is incomparable to the JOY that I only found in GOD. Many have failed me but God never did. Many of them said to give me a happy-ever-after moment but ended as a tragedy. It's not that I don't care whether I am gonna get married or not. Hear me please because I do care but if that takes a chunk of time off my time with God, I'd rather that I'd be single for the rest of my life. So going back to the question, should I look around and search for that one person? NO because God already has a better plan for me. Let that clock tick as loud as a deafening sound but my God is the God of time so everything is possible to Him.

God has a clean track record in regards to His faithfulness and I will only hope to The One who never will fail me. My future is in His hands and that's enough reason for me to be hopeful.

[Blog] Stiff-necked faith NO MORE

I was raised up in a way that I control things and for the most part of my life, I do things my way. Yes, I was a control freak as if it's the end of the world if I don't get things the way it should - my way! There are things that I did in the past that I am totally not proud of that I'd just want to expunge them  so I'll have a better version of me. Those are my so called the dark ages of my life. There is complete darkness in it and there was no glimpse of light there like an abyss but alas! God found me and shed light to it so I can find my way back home.

I still can remember the day I gave my life to Christ. It's so fresh in my memory that I can still taste the sweetest love I have ever received - the one He has given me. I can never forget that day for that is the start of the best part of my life. Things have changed and everything seemed to be perfectly doing fine when I started feeling the control again. One day, my best friend Joice told me that the freedom I am experiencing is not only for the sins I have committed but the freedom of being myself. I realized that this is the original blueprint of God for me and as the song goes, I was born this way but by God's grace, I am changed from glory to glory in becoming more Christ-like.

There were moments in my Christian life when there were persecution and condemnation. There were times when I get so hard to myself because I knew I failed God once again by committing a sin as simple as lying. There were even times when the animal instinct in me growls and yearns to be back in my cage. I freely look back at my past and at some point thinks of just going back there where I am free to just let go and let things out. But hey! I ain't an animal! I am wonderfully and fearfully knitted in my mother's womb. The one who is said to be made in the image and likeness of God.

Just this week, God rebuked me about my thought life. There were times when I still look at my past even if He remembers them no more. That paints a picture of someone who has a stiffed neck -- who looks back and finds it hard to put his head back on track. I kinda am like that sometimes but that sometimes-moment hurts God but He is that good that He reminded me of these verses:

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!

Hebrews 10:17 Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”

Shocks! How can I offend God like that? I am a new creation in Christ Jesus yet I still look at the filth of my past and let myself be condemned by the enemy. I don't want that stiff-necked kind of faith that even if I believe that I am redeemed, yet I allow myself to be played on by the enemy. Just as I am writing this blog now, I was reminded of the verse in Ezekiel 36:26 ~ "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." So if God can turn the heart of stone to a heart of flesh, so can He soften and relax the stiff-necked faith I once had. I repent for offending God and I ask Him to help me in my faith walk. I ask and receive the strength that He provides for my faith to be stronger. This is not an easy walk for anyone but what I am sure of is that God will always be with me wherever I go, whatever I am going through and that's enough for me.

Freedom is one of the sweetest and most sincere gifts of God for us so let us enjoy every inch of it. Let us put our head back on track where God has set for us. Look back no more because the victory has already been won many years ago for us.