I was raised up in a way that I control things and for
the most part of my life, I do things my way. Yes, I was a control freak as if
it's the end of the world if I don't get things the way it should - my way!
There are things that I did in the past that I am totally not proud of that I'd
just want to expunge them so I'll have a better version of me. Those are my so
called the dark ages of my life. There is complete darkness in it and there was
no glimpse of light there like an abyss but alas! God found me and shed light to
it so I can find my way back home.
I still can remember the day I gave my life to Christ.
It's so fresh in my memory that I can still taste the sweetest love I have ever
received - the one He has given me. I can never forget that day for that is the
start of the best part of my life. Things have changed and everything seemed to
be perfectly doing fine when I started feeling the control again. One day, my
best friend Joice told me that the freedom I am experiencing is not only for the
sins I have committed but the freedom of being myself. I realized that this is
the original blueprint of God for me and as the song goes, I was born this way
but by God's grace, I am changed from glory to glory in becoming more
Christ-like.
There were moments in my Christian life when there were
persecution and condemnation. There were times when I get so hard to myself
because I knew I failed God once again by committing a sin as simple as lying.
There were even times when the animal instinct in me growls and yearns to be
back in my cage. I freely look back at my past and at some point thinks of just
going back there where I am free to just let go and let things out. But hey! I
ain't an animal! I am wonderfully and fearfully knitted in my mother's womb. The
one who is said to be made in the image and likeness of God.
Just this week, God rebuked me about my thought life.
There were times when I still look at my past even if He remembers them no more.
That paints a picture of someone who has a stiffed neck -- who looks back and
finds it hard to put his head back on track. I kinda am like that sometimes but
that sometimes-moment hurts God but He is that good that He reminded me of these
verses:
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!
Hebrews 10:17 Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless
acts I will remember no more.”
Shocks! How can I offend God like that? I am a new
creation in Christ Jesus yet I still look at the filth of my past and let myself
be condemned by the enemy. I don't want that stiff-necked kind of faith that even
if I believe that I am redeemed, yet I allow myself to be played on by the
enemy. Just as I am writing this blog now, I was reminded of the verse in
Ezekiel 36:26 ~ "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will
remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." So if God
can turn the heart of stone to a heart of flesh, so can He soften and relax the
stiff-necked faith I once had. I repent for offending God and I ask Him to help
me in my faith walk. I ask and receive the strength that He provides for my
faith to be stronger. This is not an easy walk for anyone but what I am sure of
is that God will always be with me wherever I go, whatever I am going through
and that's enough for me.
Freedom is one of the sweetest and most sincere gifts
of God for us so let us enjoy every inch of it. Let us put our head back on
track where God has set for us. Look back no more because the victory has
already been won many years ago for us.
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